you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
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I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
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At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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