Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize