I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
