I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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