Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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