Little spoons don't ask big questions
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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