you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
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she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
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I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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