yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
