we have officially mastered the walk of shame
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
