Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
