I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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