Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
