I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
