saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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