Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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