will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
