I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
