i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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