Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
