no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
