did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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