how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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