just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
