All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
