A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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