but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We were destined to go to rehab together
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
