I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
