well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
This girl is more easily done than said...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
