I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
