I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
What drink are we having for lunch?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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