Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You're like the curious george of whores
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
