Why are handjobs necessary in class?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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