for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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