In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
