I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize