it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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