He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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