We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
