i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize