Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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