last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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