what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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