drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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