Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
