I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
