I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
