toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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