I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
