i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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