remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
We are two peas in an std pod
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
