If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
