He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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