i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I believe in your delicious
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize