I must be too annoying 4 u.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He? As in you personified your dick?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
