Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
