Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
