My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
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