and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
