I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Randomize
