can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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