Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
