Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
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If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
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But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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