she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
