it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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