god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
