So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
