You're a womanizer and a bitch.
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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