my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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