NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
