Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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