I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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