whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
