I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
porn star boner night. come get it.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
