I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
