soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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